addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
