I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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