The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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