even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
