the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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