we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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