thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
