An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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