What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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