No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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