I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
