i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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