haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
