I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
