I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
