i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
