She's JV to your varsity
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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