If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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