Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
