If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
