thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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