bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
