dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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