I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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