where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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