just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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