woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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