I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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