I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
