One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have fence marks all over my body
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
