I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
