just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
