somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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