listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
