i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
