I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
