im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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