I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
