do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
