someone threw a dead crab at me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize