nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
