dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize