I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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