No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
