party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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