Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
