Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
