check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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