Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Welp...herpes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The adults are the big ones right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
