I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
