May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
