i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
