fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
