If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
