he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
