He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
