Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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