Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
