me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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