The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
