did you get engaged???
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
