Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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