Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
