OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
