that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
