Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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