Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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