she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
