I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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