New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
