why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
