I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
