Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She announced her abortion via fbk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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