you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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